To Let Go
by morning rush
Summary: Kaoru is trying to break up with Kenshin, but she doesn't know how to start. She has wanted to break up with him for sometime. How will Kenshin react?


Hey guys! My first try at fanfic. It's been ages since I wrote anything. And i'm considering doing something else other than my not so creative profession. Let me know what you think. Criticisms are open. I hope you can review. If this fic is any good, I just might be encouraged to write more. Hope you liked it. It was done in two hours on a bored Monday afternoon. Hope it wasn't too bad.

I don't own Rurouni Kenshin or any of its characters. Don't sue me.

**To Let Go**

This was wrong.

This was very wrong.

She took a deep breath knowing that what she was about to say will cause her a great deal of pain. And there was no way she was ever going to let their present situation go out of hand. Her worst fears had come true. There was no way she can pretend that what was between them was something she would consider a casual relationship.

On her part at least.

She knew the very first time she saw his piercing violet eyes. Those mysterious eyes which seemed to attract her like moths to a burning flame, the first time she saw those... She knew she could never look back and say no. She was sinking far quicker than a person would in quick sand.

"What's wrong?" Her companion asked. "I thought you wanted to meet me here so we can talk. About us." He said nonchalantly. They were in a cozy café, where they were currently seated in a table for two. There were a few customers this time of the day. The clock in the corner read 1:33 P.M.

"I just want to end this." She said in almost a hushed tone. If there weren't so few customers, he wouldn't have caught her words.

"Now you are ending this? You were the one who suggested we meet here in the first place." He answered with a raised eyebrow. But she can see that hint of amusement just around the corner of his eyes. It had a mischievous glint to them. "How could I refuse when you are such an attractive woman?"

Damn that man. There was a double meaning behind his words. She knew he was referring to something more than ending a quick break to talk in the café during office hours. He always teased her that she's lucky her boss lets her get away with him even during office hours.

But the glint in his eyes told her that he knew what she was up to.

She was trying to end something that she couldn't handle. Was afraid to handle. She always bragged about how she can embrace life head on. She lived it, and lived it like a dying person would on his last few days. She was never one to get emotionally involved in casual relationships. She was so used to the friends-with-benefits thing. Right?

She could handle this right?

She bit her lip nervously. Suddenly she was unsure.

"Hey if you're going to be the like that during our office break, maybe we should do something more interesting then?" There goes his mischievous eyes again.

"What do you suggest?" She snapped back quite angrily. Was he thinking what she thought he was thinkling? That pervert!

"Are you stressed at work? Maybe we can go some place else. You know my condo is just around the corner." He smiled seductively at her, and using a low but almost playful tone she was all too familiar with. That tone he uses when he wants something from her.

"Geesh Kenshin. Can't you be any more perverted than you already are? I invited you here so we can talk seriously." Now she was beginning to get really mad.

How dare he think of those things at times such as these? She was trying to be serious here. How dare he think of having a quick sex in his condo unit. Right during office hours in fact. Not that they haven't done it before actually. But that was not the point here!

"What were you thinking Kaoru? I was only trying to suggest that maybe you could take a break and take a nap at my condo. Besides you have my spare key. You seem so stressed, I was only playing the nice guy here." He said that with an almost convincing look of innocence in his darn attractive face.

Oh but she knew better. He was trying to toy with her feelings. He knew her weaknesses. One particular example was him.

Yes, dear gods! Kenshin was on top of her list of weaknesses. Kenshin knew this and he just had to play it up to his advantage. He didn't have to know that he was on top of the list though.

Her darn temper almost snapped. Not that she had a history of long patience. Far from it in fact.

He's using her weakness against him. It was true. She was the one who made the first move. But could he blame her? It wasn't her fault that he's so goddamn attractive. If it weren't for her confidence in her own experiences in the past. She knew she could handle this man. Oh no. Kamiya Kaoru knows what she wants and how to get it. So why was she so scared? She never had trouble ending a relationship before.

She started to nervously fidget in her seat. And nearly jumped when the barista called her name suddenly.

"One Grande Caramel Macchiato for Kaoru!"

Kenshin looked at her with amusement. He was surprised seeing Kaoru like this. She was always confident in her words or actions. There is an air of sophistication around her that can intimidate people who don't know her. He wasn't quite sure what to make of her sudden change of personality. This was one side he's never seen her before. And he was liking every minute of it.

"I'll get it."

Kenshin stood just in time as the barista shouted his order in return.

She was losing it fast. She's never been this nervous in such a long time. The last time she was this frazzled bundle of nerves was when her mother caught her kissing their neighbor who was 15 years her senior. At her mother's garden no less. And that was ages ago, when she was 19 in fact. Those nerves were from extreme embarrassment. She didn't think she could face her dear mother after that horrible episode. She was tipsy during the kiss for goodness sake. And her neighbor was extremely attractive, a former underwear model, who could blame her for that?

Oh and there was also that time when she was waiting for the results of her board exams. She is an aspiring architect and she was ready to conquer the world with her sense of creativity and bona fide unique sense of seeing things beyond the tried and tested. She was nervous that her being the "rebel" would get her in trouble. Waiting for the results was by far the worst wait in her life. She was only too glad she passed. With above average grades, no less!

These nerves are something she hasn't quite handled before.

This was serious, this was something else.

Kenshin returned with their orders of coffee. She inhaled the scent of the freshly brewed coffee and tried to gather courage. She knew this would be the best time to tell him. She couldn't afford to lose more sleepless nights because of this red head. She was always thinking about him, and she had an important project soon and she couldn't afford to get lost in the clouds thinking about him.

This could make or break her career. She sighed. And Kenshin turned to her with a questioning look in his eyes. She knew that her career wasn't the reason for her ultimatum for a break-up. If there was anything to break up, not that they had a real relationship in the first place.

Suddenly her hand was covered with Kenshin's warm ones. She looked up to meet his gaze. With an almost pleading and worried look in his beautiful eyes, he said, "Hey tell me what's wrong, you've been quiet and frankly acting strange. And I'm not used to seeing you like this."

She sighed again unable to tear her gaze away. "It's just that.." She bit her lip not knowing where to start.

He squeezed her hands to encourage her to continue.

_Go on tell me. _His eyes said pleadingly.

"I think we should end this, uhm," She didn't want to say relationship, they were very good friends before all of this began. "Arrangement between us. I don't think I can handle this especially now. Uhm I have an upcoming project and it's very important to me, to my professional work as an architect I mean. I'd be very busy these coming weeks and you know…I just don't have the time" There she said it. She drank her coffee to fill in the silence. She didn't know how to continue for fear of revealing too much of her feelings to him.

Did she just mention arrangement? _Stupid idiot Kaoru! Couldn't you think of more creative things to say?_ But then how can she term the appropriate word for their relationship. What do you call a friends-with-benefits relationship where you are slowly starting to fall for the supposed friend? Especially if the friend in question does not feel the same way for you? Stupid! That's what!

Kenshin sighed. "Is that really the reason Kaoru? You've been so distant lately, I think there's more to this than that stupid project reason of yours"

This time she pulled her hand away from his and shot back, "What do you mean? Didn't we agree that this would be a casual thing? We can end this however the hell I want!" Now she didn't mean to snap back that loud. They were in a café with few customers. The last thing she wanted to do was cause a scene.

"I think you're afraid. I think you're afraid that we have more than a casual thing. And you don't know how to handle it." He snarled back and looked at her expressive blue eyes. Waiting for her to respond. Challenging her to deny what he had just said.

To say she was shocked was an understatement. _Am I that easy to read? Had I been that obvious all along? Had he known all along how I feel for him_? This knowledge made her angrier all the more. How dare he say that out loud! Didn't he know that she was hurting? That she couldn't handle these unfamiliar emotions any longer?

"I think you assume too much Kenshin. I was the one who set up the rules in the first place! Like I said I can end this whichever hell I want!" With that she grabbed her purse stood up and left the café, not noticing the curious looks the few customers spared at them.

She walked down the street back to her office when she was grabbed by the arm and dragged to a corner where few people could notice them. A narrow street near the garbage dump. Sheesh! What an ironic twist. Getting dumped near the garbage dump. At least they were several feet away from the dump that they couldn't smell anything bad.

"We need to talk about this Kaoru." He said with an almost warning tone in his voice, and she knew he was trying to keep his anger in check. "What if I don't want to end what we have? What if I told you I wont give you up?" His tone gentle now.

Kaoru was speechless. She didn't know how to reply to that. She could only look away to avoid his gaze. And tried to concentrate on staring at the stray dogs attempting to find scraps of food in the garbage dump. She was like the stray dog, lost and hungry. Hungry for his attention and love. Gods! When did she become such a poet with words. When did stray dogs become words of romance?

Kenshin cupped her cheek to make her look at him. And they stared at each other's eyes for a few moments. His eyes were pleading and questioning. And now she realized he was just as scared as she was. Scared that she was slowly becoming the most person in his life.

"You're right I'm afraid" She whispered. "Because I think I'm falling in love with you and I don't know how to handle it." She didn't realize the tears that streamed down her face and she closed her eyes. She was afraid of what his reaction will be. Of what she could read in his eyes with her little confession. There! She said it and now it was all up to him. To decide where they could go after this.

He took a deep breath. His forehead dropped to hers in a gentle manner and held her face with both hands. She can smell his scent, that unique flavor of ginger and pine. That masculine scent she was so addicted to that she used ginger perfume on her pillows so that she can smell him at night. She can smell the coffee he had sipped a few moments ago. And this time she wanted to taste it. Taste the coffee in his mouth together with all the unique tastes he carried.

_Stop it Kaoru, this is not the time for such thoughts._

"Why are you afraid Kaoru? Did I do something for you to doubt me?" He told her in hushed tones.

For a while she didn't want to reply. But she knew there was no escaping now. How can she escape when his body is pressed intimately against her? There can be no escape until she told him everything. "Because I've never felt this way before and I don't think I can risk falling in love with someone who doesn't feel the same way about me."

The look he gave her was incredulous almost disbelieving. And he drew back to look at her.

"You don't have to give me that look Kenshin. Can you honestly tell me you're in love with me too? Don't be a hypocrite, you were engaged to the love of your life a mere seven months ago. And you were together with Tomoe for what? Five years? For all I know you're merely using me as a rebound." She said the last part bitterly. She knew this when she had decided to pursue him. Tomoe broke up their engagement for god knows what reason. And Kenshin wasn't just the same after that. She thought she would help him move on, disregarding the signs that she could fall in love with him.

What did she expect? She knew she was just a rebound. But she also wanted him for her selfish reasons. And now she was suffering the consequences of an unrequited love. How could she compete with the memory of Tomoe? She was perfection. She was not of this world. She was everything Kaoru was not. Kaoru knew Kenshin still loved her. Why was she doing this to herself?

"Kaoru… I admit it started that way. You and me… we started that way. And I don't regret any of it." Kenshin looked at her with a fierce determination in his eyes. "I don't want to say that as of this moment I'm in love with you, because I know how love should be and what I feel for you isn't anything like that."

She took a deep breath trying to fight past her tears. She didn't want to cry any more than she already had. Hadn't he hurt her enough? Did he just have to spell it out for her? At least this was the truth. With this she could now move on.

"But.." Kenshin started. "I'm not ready to let you go. Because I need you, I need you in my life Kaoru…"

Kaoru's head snapped back. She bit back angrily. "Are you trying to kill me? How selfish can you be?"

"Sshhh let me finish." He hushed her amused and Kaoru tried not to snort. "It's just that with you I'm different. Different than I was with Tomoe. We were together for so long; people were pressuring us when we were going to settle down. We got engaged because of other people's expectations more than because we really wanted to. We forgot the real reason for our relationship. It was a mutual decision for us to part Kaoru." The way he said her name was like a caress, so soft so gentle.

She snapped to meet his gaze. She didn't expect this. She didn't know all of this. Kenshin never told her about him and Tomoe and she never asked. She always assumed he was too hurt to talk about the "ex-fiancee" and she never brought the topic up.

"So you see…" He continued. "I don't want to end our ahem arrangement… because it can lead us to something more and I… I want to take that risk Kaoru." He made sure that they were eye to eye when he said that.

Kaoru was a speechless for a few moments. Realizing what all of this could mean.

_You mean you feel something for me too? _She thought.

"With all I have just said I think the answer is obvious." He looked at her an amused expression on his face. She blushed embarrassed that she had said her thoughts out loud.

She finally looked up at him. A smile starting to curve on her mouth. She rose on her toes and finally kissed him. He opened his mouth and responded.

And it was there where she kissed him. Tasting the coffee in his mouth and all his unique flavors. Near the garbage dump where all the stray dogs are scrapping for food. In a narrow street corner a few feet from the main road where people are minding their own business oblivious to the couple kissing at the corner.

And she realized. She didn't care. Because she was right at the place where she wanted to be the most.

In his arms.


End file.
